I've spent a lot of time in various online communities since I got my first computer. I once had a Minecraft YouTube channel; I used to share memes in Facebook groups; I previously posted regularly in a handful of subreddits; I still post infrequently on Instagram, and I'll occasionally update this website with new things I've made or thoughts I've written down.
Something I’ve noticed about myself as of late is that I am participating less and less in online discourse. I think it’s because the hostility and hate discourages me from wanting to engage. Maybe there’s more anger? Maybe my skin isn’t as thick as it used to be? I’m not too sure, but I know that it upsets me. I’d like to be talking to others more and trading ideas. I’m writing these notes for myself, as a means of grounding my online behavior. Maybe it’ll be helpful for you too.
Why Being a Good Netizen Matters
Leave No Trace. A baseline for anybody who wants to be respectful and conserve the great outdoors, with the gist being “leave places as you found them or better”. I think about this idea frequently, how it can be applied to other areas of life, and the possible results of many people doing it together.
If the internet— as one large, ongoing, and growing conversation— could be thought of as a national park, then I suggest that we’ve covered the place in litter, set the trees on fire, and shot the wildlife execution-style. The term slop has been thrown around recently, but I think that digital litter has existed long before LLM or Stable Diffusion generated content. Large social media platforms with infinite scroll need as much popcorn content as they can get, else the scroll runs out. These platforms have also been shown to encourage a general anger sentiment as a means of increasing engagement. Is encouraging people to be mindlessly angry at each other online “leaving the internet as we found it or better”?
If we are to leave no trace online, then I’m going to choose to interpret that as not contributing additional hostility, or even removing hostility, from the online communities that I engage with. I want to make my little slice of the web one of connection, not conflict, and by having good etiquette, being intentional about what I post, and having a charitable view of others, I think I can make it happen.
Interpret Generously (and Critically)
Before we can talk about contributing, we need to talk about the lens with which we interpret the words of anonymous users. If we want to leave a space with less hostility, we need to first lower our own guard. If I assume that other users have written their comments in an aggressive tone, then I’m naturally going to follow with a similar response. Giving others the benefit of the doubt in terms of tone and intent can radically shift the way I read a comment and in consequence, how I respond (if I do).
If a screenshot or snippet of video has been posted that frames someone in a bad light, I need to remind myself that I don’t have the full context. Giving that person additional grace, in the way I might give to a friend, allows me to read the situation as a set of facts rooted in an unknown context, rather than buying into whatever context has been decided on by the comment section and giving in to mob-mentality. You have agency over how you can choose the context (or lack of) in which you interpret out-of-context snippets.
Some of the themes discussed in David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech This Is Water are relevant to choosing how to interpret the words of others, specifically the importance of exercising control over how and what you think.
"Learning how to think" really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot or will not exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed.
I think about that excerpt frequently, and I think it’s pretty relevant in the context of reading online content generously. If you don’t exercise the ability to choose how you read online users’ comments, you’ll likely read them with a hostile lens and play right into the big-tech trap of anger engagement. Don’t fall into the trap! Don’t be a sucker who is made angry by the algorithm such that they spend an extra 15 minutes a day viewing ads and creating a spiral of hostility that encourages other users to be the same.
There are some people who use the internet as an outlet for the frustrations that they experience in their everyday lives. Maybe it’s their job, romantic relationship, family, loneliness, feeling of exclusion, feeling of life slipping by, hopelessness about a topical issue, a health problem, or something else that could make any one of us experience some form of anger or annoyance. These feelings might come out as hostility in a tweet reply. Sure, they could have phrased that snarky 140-character message better. Sure, they should find a healthier outlet for those kinds of feelings, but no one is perfect. If you choose to think of the user who posted that tweet as someone who is having a shitty day, then maybe you can give them a bit of grace in the same way that you’d want someone to do for you on one of your shitty days. We could all be kinder to each other.
It’s important to be generous in your interpretation of other netizens (and people you encounter IRL). The world becomes less hostile when you do. But you cannot be naive; you must also be critical of the intent, the real intent, behind the messages you read. Is a slightly rude, sarcastic comment being left by an insecure user as a means of getting likes, or is it being left because they are being cruel?
Some users are intentionally hostile. They might be an edgy group of teenagers huddled around a laptop, a bigot, or a Russian troll farm posting disinformation from a network of multiple devices. If it’s not already in your vocabulary, you should add “Rage Bait” to your list. It refers to content that’s deliberately designed to provoke anger or outrage. Learning how to identify and avoid rage bait is crucial for maintaining sanity and overall well-being.
Don’t Seek Popularity and Interact Genuinely
Talk to people like you would talk to a stranger in real life. The mask of anonymity (thick or thin depending on the site) makes it easy to punch others with extreme language and escalate interactions to points of heightened emotion. I wouldn’t do that IRL, so I’m not going to do it with people I interact with online.
A large driver of why there’s a lot of negativity online is because sarcastic, snarky, jokey, or drama-starting dialogue that happens to line up with a user’s worldview is rewarded with attention. People will have a greater emotional reaction to this kind of content, and consequently, leave an like/comment/re-post. It’s fun to read this kind of content, but it feels even better to be the person who posted it and is getting the micro-hits of dopamine with each notification telling you how popular you are.
Alternatively, seeing those same kinds of conversations from a view I disagree with riles me up and makes me want to post a not-even-half-thought-out comment as a retort. The other user is an idiot, I am smarter than them, and I will make sure I insult them and the things they believe. The notifications sent as a result of these interactions cause a different kind of emotional response, one that makes me want to argue. Don’t do it! Don’t feed the spiral of hostility.
If you are to feed a spiral, it should be a positive one. Lead the charge in posting genuine, creative, and constructive stuff. There’s thousands of people online that will share the same hobbies and interests as you, and what a joy it can be to share that passion. Be active in communities you care about. If someone responds to you in a rude way, be kind to them back. It’ll disarm them and lead to a better conversation.
Use Tone Indicators
Text posts lack the nuanced delivery of speech, particularly the tone. A comment that may be intended as sarcasm might be interpreted as hostility. A genuine post could lack indication of its sincerity, leading to a less charitable interpretation.
Where possible and when relevant, aim to indicate tone. Tone can be made explicit with phrases like, “genuine question…” or more commonly with short hand tone indicators. Some examples include /s for sarcasm, /srs for seriousness, and /gen for genuine. There are a ton of these, with some of them being community specific. Using them in your online discourse should help reduce miscommunication as a result of missing tone.
Knowing When To Disconnect
If you find yourself at a point of heightened emotion, you should maybe reconsider hitting post. The memory of the internet is forever, so consider that if you’re going to post something that might be charged. I also think that, in life generally, you should be seeking joy, and if you are taking action that pulls you away from that, then you should probably stop. If reading a thread of twitter users arguing about domestic policy is making you angry about the state of the world, then it might be a good time to disconnect.
TLDR
- Leave places as you found them or better
- Give people the benefit of the doubt
- Know how to identify rage bait
- Be kind, be genuine
- Specify tone to prevent miscommunication
- Disconnect when being online isn’t serving you